Sometimes I’m an ass. I can be stubborn, bull-headed, and impatient. And when called out on those things, my first instinct is to deny them. Because, I’ll admit it, I also don’t like being wrong. Earlier this week, on more than one occasion, I was reminded of that. Damn. Not being perfect really sucks sometimes.
In the past, dealing with my imperfections often meant trying to defend myself, blaming other people or grabbing a glass or two of wine. Those tactics may have helped temporarily, but long term they don’t do anyone any good— especially me. It was just kicking the can down the road, putting off the real issue to deal with later. Part of my own personal development has included coming to terms with the traits in myself I’d most like to deny.
It’s only through recognition and acceptance that growth emerges. I’m getting better at doing that. I am trying to find healthier, more productive ways to be a better friend, coach, mentor, wife and mom. One of those ways is to run off the crazy. Running is really the only cardio I really like, because it allows me time to settle the cobwebs in my mind. When I’m running, I can reflect upon situations in my life I’m not happy with and things about myself I want to change. More often than not, an idea or solution pops into my head while I’m running. Sometimes it doesn’t, but at least I’ve gotten in a workout in the process.
I also use running as a time to reflect upon how lucky I am. I’ve gained appreciation the people in my life who have seen the worst sides of me and love me anyway. They are rockstars and I am blessed beyond measure. That fact keeps me humble, and allows me to be more accepting of their limitations (another thing I’m not good at).
I know that I can sometimes be moody, impatient, irritable and withdrawn. I can’t change my nature, but I can change the way I deal with it. Now, I don’t try to deny my bad side. I use it to make me stronger. You see, nobody is perfect. Don’t waste your time pretending you are or trying to be. The sooner we realize that fact and actually use that information, the better off we’ll be. We can start looking at our dark sides as a warped sort of blessing, pathways to growth. When we accept them fully, we see them as gifts we are given to allow us to reach new heights.